Samayara 's POV
"Why it is compulsory to give up on your dreams just for the sake of boundaries set by your elders. Is it not necessary for them too to change their mindset, not whole but a little bit, so that their own daughters feels less suffocated. "
After talking to chachi, I went to my sister. She was busy in her study material. May be the school work. I don't know. I asked her whether she knows about the marriage proposal or not. ? She just hummed. I seriously had no idea till now, why she is not talking to me like other sisters do. I have seen many sisters who are strong pillars to each other in every aspect. But here my relation with my sister is just for the name sake.
We do not share a very good bond. I don't know why she ignored me all the time like I do not exist in this universe.
Uuuurrgggghhhhh ... !! Mahadev , main pagal ho jaaungi.. Wait,, no , no , pagal ho chuki hoon is pagalkhaane mein reh reh kar. Mahadev, please kuch aisa karo main yahan se bahar nikal jaau. Ye mental asylum mujhe suit nahi karta .
Log sochte hain ki unhe ghar jaana hai aur main hamesha sochti hoon mujhe yahan se door jaana hai. Mahadev koi chamtkaar karo aur mujhe yahan se door phenk do aur ho sake to kuch aisa karna ki main yahan waapis bhi na aau. Mujhe mere dono bhai mein se kisi k bhi paas bhej do, main bina bole reh lungi. Sachi .
Anyways, when she didn't acknowledge my presence or maybe she pretended not to, I got up from there and left the room.
Jiske liye rishta aaya hai jab use he koi problem nahi hai to main kyu pagal ho rahi hoon. Bhaad mein jaao saare.
I went to my room and started studying. Bhai mujhe to exams Dene hain. In sab k chakkar mein main apni padhaai ka nuksaan nahi kar sakti. I got engrossed so much in my studies that I didn't realise it was already dinner time. Chachi called me from downstairs. I wind up my books, went downstairs.
Everyone was there. I went to kitchen to help my mother and Chachi in serving. But they don't let me. Chachi said, " tu bus baith k khana kha, ye hum log kar lenge . "
I went to my seat and start pouring sabji and roti in my plate. We were in the middle of the dinner when Daadi cleared her throat. I quickly understood what she was going to say and why she cleared her throat.
Anyways let's hear from her. She gained our attention. She said, "aaj jab main mandir gayi thi to mujhe wahan meri boht puraani saheli mili. Baaton baaton mein pta chala wo log apne pote k liye ladki dhund rahe hain, mujhse raha nahi gaya aur maine bhi bol diya ki hum log bhi humari poti k liye rishta dhoondh rahe hain. Humein kuch laga to humne socha ki kyun na is dosti ko rishtedaari mein badal lein.? par pehle hum ghar mein sabse baat kar k decide Krna chahte hain. Agar sab theek raha to hum baat aage badha sakte hain. Par wo log humse unche khaandaan k hain. Wo log boht ameer hain . Bus isi baat ka darr hai ."
Hearing this daadu said, "Wo log Ameer hain to wo humse rishta kyu rakhenge.? Ameer log hum middle class walo ko jyada puchhte nahi hain. Hum middle class waale unki baraabari nahi kar sakte. Kya tumhe lagta hai ki wahan rishta karna theek hoga.?"
Daadi said, "Rishta saamne se aa raha hai to kya he dikkat hai. Aur waise bhi ladkiyon ko kitne din Ghar par rakh sakte hain. Palak ki umar bhi to ho rahi hai . "
"Maa agar aapko lagta hai ki ye rishta theek rahega to humein koi dikkat nahi hai." My father said. I was shocked , actually shock to lgaa he nahi. Ye to mujhe umeed thi ki aisa kuch he hoga aakhir hum bojh jo hain in par. But still I don't feel right .
I gather some courage and turn my face towards daadi, I said, "par daadi abhi to didi ne career start he Kiya hai. Aap ek baar unse puchh to lo ... I couldn't complete my sentence as I got angry glare from my father like I want their property now.
He gritted his teeth and said in angry tone, "Bado ki baato mein tumhaara bolna jaroori hai kya.? Tum itni badi nahi hui ho ki tumhe apni raai deni pade. Utho aur apne kamre mein jaao. Hum log hain hum apne aap decide karenge ki kya sahi hai kya nahi . Ladki ho apni hadd mein raho ."
( Samayara tujhe bhi to badi chull machi thi apna muh kholne ki, chup nahi raha jaata tujhse, jab teri koi value hai he nahi kyu bolti rehti hai aur waise bhi maine thode he bola tha daadi ko ki sabke saamne baat karo, jab bado ne he baat karni thi to sabke beech mein kyu baat ki, apni alag se meeting kar lete apne room mein. Drama khud karte ho aur iljaam mere upar lagate ho. MAHADEV aap sun lo na meri baat please, utha k patak do is pagalkhaane se door. Ittu si baat to maan lo meri. Please na mahadev.)
Now that time I got shocked, I was about to cry but I don't let my tears to fall. I haven't finished my dinner yet but now I don't have any hunger left . I left from there without saying sorry . Why should I say sorry when I am not wrong .
Sometimes parents have to think that they are not always right . Sometimes they have to listen to their children . But no, in my case they think they are always right and that thinking leads to the difference between me and them. Agar unhone us time meri baat sun li hoti to aaj main unse pyaar se baat karti aur unki ijjat karti , but they have lost that right. I only consider them as a human being in this house not as my parents. They are just fulfilling their duty to let me study only on the hearing of Shaurya bhaiya otherwise they would have married me at a very young age .
I put my plate in the sink, I had to throw the leftover food in the dustbinwhich I really hate. Had some water to cool down my uneasiness and left for my room.
When I reach my room I felt very suffocating. I was not able to breathe properly. I knew that I might get anxiety attack. So I quickly shut the door behind me. Sit on the floor and start deep breathing. For few seconds it was not useful but I continued and finally my breathing settled down .
I thanked Mahadev because He always helped me in situations like this. I can't say this to my parents. I am damn sure they will not understand my situation. Because for them panic attacks and anxiety issues are just disease and they hardly care for it. They will never thought about the second side of the coin. So it's better deal with your situation yourself.
Only your God is there for you and with you. I got up and lay down on bed. Switched off the lights and went to sleep. It took time but I finally went to sleep . 💤 💤💤
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I got up from the buzzing alarm. I seriously don't want to stay at home so I called my besties. First I called Shaanu she didn't pick up, she must be sleeping. Then I called Avyaan. He also didn't pick up. Ye dono kumbhakaran hain kya . ?
( Nahi beta ye kumbhakaran nahi hain, inhe nahi pta ki aaj ka tera kya plan hai so isiliye wo so rahe hain . )
I got up from bed, went to bathroom and started doing my morning routine. After my morning routine, I was about to go to take shower when my phone start ringing . I checked the caller id and it was my jaaneman. My shaanu .
"Hey, kya hua sab theek na. ? Koi tapka to nahi, jo itni subah subah call kiya. ? Daadu daadi to theek hain na. ? Kahin bua waapis to nahi aa gayi. ? "
She lined up her questions and I was shocked ki isne sabke baare mein poocha sirf mera nahi puchha.
I said , "Haan amma, sab theek hain . koi nahi maraa, sab jinda hai. Mujhe college jaana hai isliye call kar rahi thi . "
"College kyu.? Humaari to preparatory holidays hain. ? "
"Haan hain, par main ghar par rehna nahi chahti. Meri behas ho gyi ghar par aur mujhe tum dono se kuch baat bhi karni hai isliye main college jaana chahti hoon. "
" Theek hai. Hum log mil lete hain . Waise Avyaan aa raha hai kya.? Us se baat Hui.? "
"Usne call nahi uthaya . Agar utha liya to theek hai , warna hum dono chalte hain. Nahi to main akele chali jaaungi, bus mujhe is pagalkhaane mein nahi rehna." I told her .
"Okay don't be such a sass. Drama queen. I am coming." She replied.
I went to take shower and got ready wearing purple kurti and plazzo suit . I came downstairs and went to kitchen only to find maa and Chachi preparing breakfast .
"What are you cooking chachi.?" I asked her .
They both turned and looked at me in a shocking state. I know what they were thinking, the thing is whenever I stayed at home I wear only lower and t shirt but now I was wearing kurti suit that means I was going out .
" Are you going out. ? As per my knowledge you have your preparatory holidays, so where are you going. ? Do you have someone in your life. ? Be ready for the consequences if I find out something like that. This thing is not going to happen in this house. So better stop here otherwise I will make you regret. "
I was shocked to hear the things my own mother was saying to me .
"Maa, atleast have some trust in your children. We are not kids anymore and why everytime the things has to be like this. Why you always think that there is something like that. Don't we have other things. And we also know how to keep the reputation of this family. " I said all the things in very angry tone.
She didn't like the way I talked to her. Before I could say anything a warm slap was there on my cheeks. What the......inhe hai kya jab dekho tabaarte he rehte hain. Aur kaam nahi hai kya. ?
I seriously don't want to stay here at all. I looked at chachi, atleast she can understand what I am trying to say . I said to her that, "I am going to college for some notes. So can I go. ? "
"Arey naashta to kar ja." Chachi tried to hold me.
I was very angry and hurt at the same time. I looked at my mother, while my hand was still on my cheek and said, "naashta to kar liya chachi. Boht garam aur Boht swaad tha."
And left from the kitchen.
Before going to college, again I thought of talking to my sister. I went to the room and here she was getting ready. I don't want to talk to her but don't know why I am still here. Pta nahi kyu mujhe baar baar lagta hai ki shayad ab wo mujhse dhang se baat kar le, par nahi aisa kuch nahi hota.
"Di, I... actually...wanted to know..that are you really....ready for this marriage.. ? If you...are not...re..ready, we can talk..to our...brothers, they can...talk to ... our family regarding....this.... "
I don't know why I was stammering. She looked at me annoyingly and said , "there is no need to talk to anyone. It's my life and I don't want your and anyone's help. I am ready and its my own wish. So stay away from it and my life. I don't need you . Now go."
I really don't know what I had done wrong with her . She doesn't talk with me . She's always like this . I didn't realise when i automatically stepped backward and I was crying . I wiped out my tears . I wash my face and left for college .
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Aarav's POV
As soon as I said that I am ready for the marriage. They all got surprised like they were not expecting from me to say yes. My mom got up from her seat and came to me. She cupped my face and kissed on my forehead .
"Are you seriously saying yes to marriage. I am so happy that you finally decided to move on. Thank you so much for listening to me. You have no idea how much happy I am today." She said having tears in her eyes.
Oh mom, please don't cry, I don't want to see you cry. I would have said yes earlier if my yes would have mean that much to you. I thought in my mind .
Then my grandparents said that they will talk to girl's family and will meet them. Elders left for their rooms and only us, siblings, are left. I was about to go but they told me to sit.
Aakriti held my hand and said, " Thank you bhaiya for giving your life a chance. I am sure you will be happy after marriage. I want your happiness bhaiya. I love you." She said while having tears in her eyes. I was thinking why all the ladies of my family start crying easily. It's just a yes nothing else.
My thoughts were actually killed by my these two brothers .
"Aakriti shaadi k baad kaun sa husband happy rehta hai. ? " There comes a sarcasm from none other than Aadvik .
"Papa ko bulau aur puchhu ki aap happy ho ya nahi mummy k saath . ? " She replied in angry tone .
"Arey, what he meant was how do you know that he will be happy after marriage. ? Are you an astrologer. ? " Here comes Rakshit defending Aadvik .
"Bhaiya, first, I am not an astrologer. I have faith in my brother that he will be happy and he will keep my bhabhi happy too and second please aap is Aadvik bhaiya k saath thoda kamm raha karo. Mujhe lga tha atleast aap to thoda maturly baat kroge par nahi aap to inse bhi upar ho . " Aakriti said to Rakshit.
Isshhh ye bache. They were fighting over this and I was tired from all this so I got up without their notice and walked towards my room. I reached my room, went outside in the balcony, took out my phone from my pocket and called my friends. Vidit and Rudraksh didn't pick up the call. Sidhaant picked up the call after five rings.
"Kya baat hai bhai, sab theek hai.?" He replied as soon as he picked up the call.
"Haan, sab theek hai. Kyu, main call nahi kar sakta kya.?" I replied.
"Arey bilkul karo sir, aapka phone hai jab marji karo. par tu kabhi is time par call nahi karta na. Until and unless it's necessary and emergency. So, tell me what's the matter.?" He asked.
(Yeah that's true. We all respect everyone's private life that's why we didn't call at night until it's important.)
"Hmmm, everything is fine.but I am confused." I confessed.
"Confused for what brother.?
Please elaborate."
"Actually.... Aaj daadi mandir gayi thi...and then i told him everything from the marriage proposal to my saying them yes for marriage.
"Arey that's good .. You agreed to it . I am really happy for you brother, so what the problem. ? Please tell
me.
I can sense his happiness and worry at the same time. He was genuinely both, happy and worried.
"Actually...the thing is I don't know whether I am really ready or it's just pressure from my family. I really don't know whether I am really willing to move on and step into the institution of marriage.
What if I end up hurting her.,?
What if she would be as same as her. ?
What if I myself end my marriage. ?
What if I disappoint everyone.?
Sidhaant I really don't understand the situation. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I am fucked up now. The battle between my heart and my mind is fucking me so hard. I can't decide whether I agree willingly or just for the sake of my family. "
I can't saw their tension filled faces but on the other hand I am also not feeling the situation is right. I didn't get the positive vibes.
"Buddy don't get fucked up by your heart and mind. If you really want to get fucked up, go get some girl or you can have self service, it will really help to release tension. 😜😜
Uuurrrrggghhhh.... Here I am
really fucked up by my thoughts and you are giving me these ideas instead of the genuine one.
Now I got angry and cut the call without waiting for his reply.
He called me again and I knew he was really concerned about me. He was just saying to lighten my mood.
"Achha sorry Bhai, I won't say that again. I was just trying to lighten your mood. Listen, do what your heart says. I know you are mature enough to take decisions, but think wisely.
Dont take any decision in pressure and don't ruin any life, you know what I am saying."
We just want your happiness that's it. We all want you to completely move on from her. You deserve better. We are always with you. Don't ever think you are all alone. Call us anytime. We are just a call away no matter what the time is. Hmm.! Now stop pressurising your brain sir and go to sleep. Sab sahi hoga aur hum log tere saath hain, ye baat hamesha yaad rakhna." We talked for few minutes and then we cut the call and I genuinely feel happy that I got so many people who are really worried for me and they are with me.
I stay there for some time. After a while, I entered in my room. It was late but i want to relax my mind and shower is the best way to relax. I went inside the washroom. Remove my clothes, not boxers. Turn on the shower and stood under the shower. It was all I need to relax my mind and tensed muscles.
The thought of marriage is really something which I can't explain . There are so many questions, so many thoughts which came in my mind. I already discussed it with sidhaant.
Now it's all my decision again. I seriously don't know what is right and what is wrong.?
I, being a professor, seemed to fail in this exam of my life. There was no chance of revision that I can get. It's just like an annual result whether you passed or fail. There was no chance of cheating, no back off . Just like exams, in marriage you have to give your best to get best results.
There is so much to it. I turn off the shower, pick up the towel from the shelf, wipe out the water from body and wrap it around my waist. I stepped outside from washroom. Went to the walk in closet to change into my night wear means joggers only. After changing, I went to dressing table to comb my hair .
After all this, I finally sat on the bed. The day was really exhausted. I lay down and thought, "why I am so nervous about it. ? Am I doing something wrong.? Is it only my mind or is really something is going to happen. ?"
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